Eponymous 4

About this track

“Never Turn Back” was written in 1991 as a bridge between “Promises” and “Silver Sting”. Since that time, those three songs have made sort of a trilogy — in various sets of demos I put together, they always appear as tracks one through three.

I’m fairly certain a Basia song called “Promises” (oddly enough) got me thinking about using a Latin bass line. And I’m pretty sure the drum beat was taken from Paul Simon.

I have a bad habit of writing music beyond my abilities as a performer, and the vocal performance on this track shows. I wrote the melody without thinking about the needs of the performer, so there’s nowhere to take a breath. I’m sure a skilled singer can pull it off. I’m not a singer, let alone a skilled one.

In 1991, I hadn’t yet come out of the closet and was nowhere equating “gay” with anything I felt. The lyrics were written for a friend who had less trouble with how I felt for him than I did.

Lyrics

Every time I hear your name or when I see your face
The memories haunt me through and through again
A love that could have never consumated yet
A friendship that lasted through all the pain and tears

But how can I ever hope to regain
The feeling of innocence
There is shame
I'm all grown up
I hope at least I never turn back on you

Journey into darkness, find redemption in the light
And you were my nemesis and my bliss
My body yearned for you, my heart could not allow
For you to be victimized, so I let you go

But how can I ever hope to regain
The feeling of innocence
No more shame
I'm all grown up
I hope at least I never turn back on you

Everything I wanted, all I ever needed
Nothing more to cherish, still I knew that
It could never be what I could ever wish for
Still, I'm glad you understood my need
You never turned away
And you always helped me
When I needed you the most
You still held my hand
Although I wanted more

And how can I ever hope to regain
The feeling of innocence
No more shame
I'm all grown up
I hope at least I never turn back on you

But how can I ever hope to regain
The feeling of innocence
There is shame
I'm all grown up
I know at least I'll never turn back on you